Greg the Spider
Here lies Greg the hairy, scary spider,
Who saw Mrs. Muffet and sat down beside her,
He tried to make a “move,”
But got squished into a groove,
Because he accidentally sat by her husband!
Ed the Donkey
Here lies Ed the donkey,
Who was attacked by a crazy monkey,
The monkey grabbed Ed's ear,
And pulled it around Ed's rear,
And Ed choked on his oats!
Ralph the Goat
Here lies Ralph the goat,
Who loved to ride in motor boats,
But he never did learn,
To keep off the stern,
And the prop ran over his face!
Guido the Mosquito
Here lies the remains of Guido,
Who was once a blood-sucking mosquito,
After getting out of the slammer,
He tried to bite the head of a hammer,
And now he decorates a nail!
Ernest the Hamster
Here lies Ernest the hamster,
Who was known as a very bad prankster,
While putting the final touches,
On ruining someone's crutches,
Ernest slipped and hit his head on a rock!
Maxine the Guinea Pig
Here lies Maxine the guinea pig,
Who is buried with an artificial wig,
She used to have hair – all fluffy and white,
Now her whole body is black as the night,
Because her curling iron was struck by lightning!
Jerry the Beetle
Here lies a beetle named Jerry,
Who was really ugly, and very scary,
For safety he was trying to swim,
But was suddenly done in,
When someone flushed the toilet!
Brad the Cat
Here lies a cat name Brad,
Nine lives he supposedly had,
But all nine at once were shot,
When he dove into an iron pot,
Which was really an industrial strength blender!
Three Wild Mice
Here lies Etzel, Gretsel and Pride,
Three mice who walked the wild side,
They were trained to shoot with guns,
And caused all creatures to flee and run,
When all three simultaneously fell in love!
Simon the Pig
Here lies a pig named Simon,
Who ran into a pie man,
While going to the fair,
He stole the pie man's wares,
But pie man was selling cyanide!
Peter the Weasel
Here lies Peter Peter a pumpkin eater,
Who saw a girl and went to meet her,
Upon her cheek he blew a kiss,
And said “Hello my lovely miss,”
And was given life in prison for sexual harassment!
Gopher Mayfield
Here lies gopher Mayfield,
Who was running through a hayfield,
Followed closely by a blood hound,
He stumbled and fell to the ground,
And the tractor ran over them both!
Clive the Cheetah
Here lies Clive Olsen Winchester number four,
An aging African cheetah who swallowed a condor,
But shortly after he ate that bird,
That mean old fowl dumped a big turd,
And Clive Olsen Winchester IV died unceremoniously from food poisoning!
